I’m feeling 22!

I’m feeling 22!

1 Timothy 4:12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity

I have never felt more my age then when I started training. This sounds like something an elderly person might say after they have fallen and hurt themselves or when they are surrounded by young people. But, for me it was a problem because the first thing people noticed when I said I was training to be a vicar was ‘you are  so young!’ Often people would turn round to me and say I could be your Mum or I’m old enough to be your Grandparent. I know this was never aimed to upset me, but it did give me an age complex. It made me feel unable, inexperienced and just generally like I needed to grow up to be a good ‘potential’ future priest.

This weekend I had a wonderful opportunity to tell a group at a non-church place about my calling to train as a vicar. To be exact it was at the Women's of the World festival in Chester. It was a fantastic chance just to show people how great church can be. For the first time, I honestly felt my calling at such a young age to be a gift. People were amazed, wanted to know more about God, why I love him so much and choose to devote my life to him at such a young age. It shocked people.

So on Saturday I felt my age was a gift and hopefully this gift encouraged and changed people’s view of what church can be for all sorts of people. Perhaps it even encouraged them to investigate Christianity who knows!

Be blessed,

Steph

xoxo  

Mental health week-Set the world on fire!

Mental health week

Set the world on fire!

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”

― Catherine of Siena

Everywhere I go I keep hearing this saying. But, it is difficult to take on when being yourself is not always easy. I often feel unable or not good enough. It is a feeling which can spiral out of control with the pressures of life.

Since starting to train as a vicar I have learnt a lot about myself. One key thing is that I am scared to ask for help and when I do not ask for help my body crashes.

It has been a tough month, with lots of work, Easter, a break in and day to day worries. But, I was not telling anyone how I felt.

I'm a human to, but I felt I needed to be some super disciple who can cope. That is where I was terribly wrong, because there is a reason we have Jesus.

I have learnt that it is OKAY to appear weak and cry. I'm only a human, training to become a vicar doesn't make me any less.

Considering my last post I thought I would tell you a little about my anxiety and how that has affected me as a person. Especially because this week is mental health week. Anxiety is horrible, it can cripple you and leave you feeling powerless. It is a horrible thing. I can't really explain how I exactly feel when it strikes, but it is not fun.

Recently it hit me, out of nowhere. One minute I was sitting in a meeting the next I felt like someone was sat on my chest and the entire world had enclosed me into a tiny box of suffocation. It was horrible. Eating becomes a problem, I'm constantly exhausted, I do not want to talk to anyone, exercise or work. For a few days, I will feel like this. Then I will ask for help and begin to get back to normal. All is then fine.

However, so many people seem to think oh there's nothing wrong with you, get a grip. Your fine, you have nothing to worry about. Maybe I don't have a concern in the world on the surface, but in my experience, we all have concerns underneath and these can contain us. I can never explain where my anxiety comes from. It is normally a straw breaks the camel’s back situation. But, it is present.

Why am I writing this post?

Well to remind people that just because someone appears alright on the suffice or like they have got it together, it probably is not the case. Be kind, respect and love others. We must ask for help as God created us each individually to set the world on fire. But, we cannot do that without the love and support of others. What we see on the outside is or can be very different to what's going on inside.

Be blessed

Steph

#mentalhealthweek #lifestruggles #anxiety #christianblogger 

A reflection on lent

A reflection on lent-Make up free and living on my own

I'm overtly conscious about how rosey my cheeks are, do I like attractive enough, do I reach the fashionable girl standard.

I would spend way too much time fussing over the way I looked. I was drowning in image insecurity. Fashion and make-up where no longer fun, they were a task.

For these reasons this year I decided I would take the bull by the horns and try to get over this necessity to look a certain way. As currently I am surrounded with buckets loads of support and I have been tackling aspects of my life which have been hard to reflect on. I therefore felt it time I learnt to love the skin God made for me without adding anything to it. It's been a huge learning curve. I gave up make-up slowly wearing less and less each week and spent three weeks make-up free. I found day to day easy, no one really noticed, in fact more people commented on how beautiful they thought I was, on the inside and outside. Others said they didn't even notice when I told them I had given up makeup. I guess I had just cared too much. The hardest thing about it was when I went out. I desperately wanted to spend time putting my make-up on because I enjoy it.

All in all what I learnt is; no one actually pays that much attention; I really enjoy putting make-up on; I don't need to wear it every day; my eye lashes are in great condition if I don't wear mascara all the time; beauty comes from the inside as well as out; God made me and that is what is important.

Now living on my own.

That's been hard. Especially when someone close to me got their house broken into. I got very scared and lonely when I had nights on my own. I found some days I didn't speak to anyone till 7pm. I found it really hard to look after myself properly as no one was in the house telling me otherwise. I lost that accountability I got from having a housemate.

On a positive note. I learnt to be very happy in my own company. I didn't have to worry about my mess. I spent a lot more time in prayer with God. I met up with more people. I realized I was a much more capable woman then I thought. Peace and quiet is really beautiful.

I am now so grateful not to be on my own again. I'm 100% an extrovert, but it was something I'm glad I did before I was married even if for a few months. These last three months I have honestly learnt so much about myself, that I just was not really aware of before and that's been good. There is still stuff to tackle and take on, but that's ok to! No one changes over night! So, have courage that if there's something your struggling with, surround yourself with support and love and try to overcome it. Even if it's a little bit at a time.

Every Blessing

Steph.

#lent #makeup #makeupfast #livingalone #godisgood #christianblogger #traineevicar