This
post goes out to my fab housemate for introducing me to the guilty feminist and
genuinely just putting up with me!
I am a feminist but… I regularly want to wear
Victoria Secret model like costumes and strut down the street to feel fabulous and make everyone look at me.
I am a feminist but…I fear using power tools,
because I think I am going to slice my arm off. But, I will shout at anyone
who will tell me I can’t use one or offer to help. Thus, big jobs won't get
done…it is not helpful.
I am a feminist and I am fed up of being
treated differently.
Now
this next bit may sound a bit Emma Watson, but it is so true…
I have a great passion for gender equality. We
may think our society is equal but it is not.
When I was at school I was asked if I was on
steroids because I use to be able to beat the boys in races. They could not
accept that I simply trained hard at the sport I competed in.
I regular hear of men who have had to deal with
server mental health issues and have even committed suicide because they have
found it difficult to speak out, or think it is un masculine to speak out about
their feelings.
One of my closest female friends was
severally bullied for being incredibly clever and good at maths, but the boys
were not.
People do not believe me when I say I am training to be a vicar. The most common response is-'but your not an old man'. It is great they notice I am a woman!
We put stereotypes on what each gender should
be doing, or how much they should be paid and on the way they are treated.
I am stereotyped as I am considered too emotional, because I am a woman.
Or more precisely.
'You cry too much and your female emotions get in the way of your decisions'.
As a result of this I then I decided I was going to use all my will power not to cry in front of anyone. Realistically this decision did not last long. I'm a cryer, a messy blubbering cryer and waterproof mascara is my best friend.
The thought of me having some form of Bridget Jones sniffling breakdown may sound humorous, but in reality being told your too emotional hurt me so much. I felt a lone and like I could not ask for help, because my feelings where unnecessary, over the top or got in the way.
After listening to the guilty feminist (which I encourage you to listen to) and many kind encouraging words from others, I realised that my emotion is a gift. Whilst I understand there is a time to cry and there is a time for everything, I want to reassure people that I can control my emotion, but when I am in a safe place and I need to let it out, I will.
I have learn't a lot from listening to #guiltfempod that has made me feel even prouder to be me. I worry a lot about my actions, the way people respond to me, the way people talk to me or about me. The guilty feminist helped me realise that all these things I worry about are 100% normal and I am not on my own.
I will probably always be 'too emotional', but I am learning how to control that emotion appropriately. I am glad that I can cry and feel able to speak about how I feel, because so many people cannot. I am also incredibly proud to be a woman who is surrounded by amazing women who constantly encourage me to be me. The Steph God made me to be!
I am a feminist and a Christian and I have
emotion and I do not feel I need to apologies for it! But, I probably will.
Be Blessed,
Steph
Xoxo
P.S if you ever need a good cry, I can be a
shoulder to cry on, because I have cried an awful lot in my life. Thanks to
everyone who as loved me through my tears!
#guiltyfeminist #feminism #emotion #christian
2. I came to India nervous and full of anxiety, today for the first time in a really long time I woke up feeling almost peaceful. I am so thankful that I am finally overcoming fears and insecurities! I am not going to say I am 100%, but a good way there. 
4. I am so thankful to God for my incredible, family back home. The women I am working with have tough backgrounds and whilst they are incredibly happy and excited to learn and be with us, I constantly feel my heart break for them when they tell us about what goes on at home. God has given me so much in life and I hope and plan to continue blessing others, for I am so fortunate. I feel lucky that I have had the wonderful opportunity to see what hope teaching someone some English nouns can give a person. I will continue to pray for these women that they can break the cycle and achieve their dreams. 
I have been here now 5 days and it has been incredible, but also terrifying. 
It has also been incredible. Firstly the girls I am sharing a room with are the sweetest people and been so kind at helping me deal with my anxiety! Thank you so much Lucy, Bianca and Sanchia. The project it also wonderful. The girls and women I get to teach English to are so willing to learn to make their lives better. It is so sad when you realised how little they have as they dress in such beautiful clothes. Nevertheless, they are some of the happiest people ever and make me laugh so much! Today I did try to get them to read little Red Riding Hood and I hope they all enjoyed me reenacting a wolf. I cannot wait to continue helping them next week. 
The monuments are also incredible. I just cannot get over what I have seen. We have only been to the Lotus Temple, India gate, Akshardham (I keep calling it Askerban oops). These buildings are just breath taking. They also make me feel famous, they cannot get enough of my blonde hair and the India people just constantly want a photo with me it is funny, but also annoying. 
